How Jesus Transforms Marriage

Reading:  Ephesians 5:22-33
    
    Paul introduces this section on family relationships by urging all Christians to continue “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”(Eph 5:21).  Submission—the willingness to forgo my will and yield to another—is not a sign of weakness, but a standard part of Christian living.  When we place others’ needs above our own and serve them in love, we submit to them because we follow a submissive Savior.  Paul applies Jesus’ crucifixion to marriage.  “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands”(Eph 5:22-24).  The church (the people of Jesus) is intimately connected to Jesus, like a body and its head.  The church submits to, trusts, and loves Jesus.  Wives submit to, trust, and love their husbands.  This does not mean that husbands are permitted to act as infallible tyrants, but that wives’ submission is appropriate because Jesus has shown us that there is no shame in submission.  

    The cross also changes husbands.  “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word”(Eph 5:25-26).  Jesus’ act of complete self-sacrifice sets the tone for marriage.  Husbands love like him, willing to forgo their pleasure, comfort, and even life itself because they long to bless their wives.  Just as Jesus desperately wanted to purify his people, so husbands desperately want the best for their wives, even at cost to themselves.  When husbands love in this way, wives can grow to trust and follow them.  When wives submit in this way, husbands can grow to love in a sacrificial way.

    The cross transforms marriage because it shows us that true love is not about what I get from others.  When I forfeit my desire to please myself, I bless my mate by giving them the love and respect they most need.   Christian marriage reflects the cross, reminding us that others are not here to serve us, but to be served.   

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One Thing to Think About: Do I treat my mate in a way that reflects Jesus?

One Thing to Pray For:  Courage to sacrifice my will and comfort for my mate
 

Be Filled with the Spirit

Reading:  Ephesians 5:15-21
    
    Paul wants Jesus’ disciples to “try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord”(Eph 5:10) and to “not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is”(Eph 5:17).  It is clear that these are guidelines for living rather than specific instructions.  Similarly, he cautions us to “look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil”(Eph 5:15-16).  Rather than living by the seat of our pants, responding thoughtlessly to every spiritual and moral dilemma, Paul urges wisdom.  We “(make) the best use of the time” because we have a limited amount of time.  When we don’t consciously plan to do good with our time, we often wind up doing evil.  When we are not wisely considering the opportunities before us, they often pass us by.  

    Choosing wisdom over foolishness plays out in another arena.  “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart”(Eph 5:18-19).  In the past, we may have used alcohol to escape our frustrations or let loose our emotions, but Paul tells us to put that away.  Instead, we are to “be filled with the Spirit.”  It is God, not alcohol, who influences our actions and decisions.  It is God, not alcohol, who is our delight.  Rather than the despair that prompts drunkenness, God’s Spirit produces a vibrant joy that manifests in singing, gratitude (Eph 5:20), and mutual submission (Eph 5:21).

    “Be filled with the Spirit” speaks to our willingness to listen to God’s revelation, develop the Spirit’s fruit, and follow the new path Jesus has revealed to us.  Instead of alcohol affecting us, this new way of life pervades our thinking, our emotions, our speech, and ultimately our actions.  We daily make the choice to follow the leading of the Spirit because it has brought us freedom and forgiveness.   

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One Thing to Think About: How will I make the best use of the time I have today?

One Thing to Pray For:  Wisdom
 

Light and Dark

Reading:  Ephesians 5:8-14
    
    The Bible often uses light and dark to describe the difference between good and evil.  Paul urges Christians not to involve themselves in worldly activities “for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord”(Eph 5:8-10).  Paul does not just say that Christians once were in darkness, but that we once were darkness and now we are light.  We have been shown the goodness, righteousness, and truth that are in Christ and they have become a part of our character.  That now needs to play out in our choices as we “try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.”

    Specifically this has applications to our associations with worldly people.  “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.  For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.  But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light”(Eph 5:11-14).  We must distance ourselves from the things we once were a part of—and perhaps also from those who continue to practice them.  This is not because we are “too good” for such activities, but because we have learned from Jesus how evil they are and we want to live in a higher, cleaner way.  We have become light, which means that we don’t want to be a part of the darkness anymore.

    Passages like these challenge us because life is rarely so black-and-white.  We must make decisions about our activities, words, friendships, attitudes, and money in which good and evil are not always apparent.  Yet freedom in Christ does not mean that all choices are now fine; Paul’s wording here rules that out.  Our goal is to “discern what is pleasing to the Lord” and “look carefully then how you walk”(Eph 5:15), continually aware of the danger of stepping out of the light and back into darkness.  

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One Thing to Think About: Why is it sometimes hard to tell good from evil?

One Thing to Pray For:  Discernment of the will of God in my everyday decisions 
 

What Is Proper Among Saints

Reading:  Ephesians 5:3-7
    
    Paul continues to detail the shift that occurs when Jesus begins to transform us.  “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints”(Eph 5:3).  Our attitudes toward sex must change when we become saints.  Sex outside our marriage bond pollutes us and compromises our newly-gained holiness.  Likewise “impurity” (things that defile) and “covetousness” (a lust for possessions) must be removed from our lives.  Why?  Interestingly, Paul comments that a covetous person is an “idolater”(Eph 5:5), implying that we can make a false god out of the things we want.  But his thought is even more sweeping:  “For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God”(Eph 5:5).  It is not enough to be cleansed from these things by the blood of Jesus; if we return to them, we stand to forfeit the inheritance he has given us.

    Paul also sets expectations here for how Christian community should work.  Having already said that some things are not “proper among saints,” he goes further:  “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving”(Eph 5:4).  Because we have experienced sin and its unpleasantness, we no longer want sin to be a part of our speech.  It is “out of place.”  Christians do not talk in crude or foolish ways to one another.  We do not consider sin a laughing matter.  Instead, Christian communities are full of “thanksgiving” as we continually remember and discuss all that God has done for us.

    God has changed us from sinners to saints.  Now we live with respect for what is “proper among saints.”  The idea here is not that we simply keep our desires for evil things quiet around our brethren, but that we no longer want what we used to want.  The Christian community helps transform us by giving us a place where gratitude and holiness are expected.

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One Thing to Think About: Do I bring impurity, evil ideas, or foolish talk to the community?

One Thing to Pray For:  A stronger desire for the pure, good things that God has revealed
 

A Higher Way of Life

Reading:  Ephesians 4:25-5:2
    
    Paul fleshes out what it means to “put off your old self” and “put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness”(Eph 4:22, 24).  God has expectations for how his people will live once they are redeemed and he has earned our allegiance by saving and forgiving us.  This higher way of life will mean that we must put away old, evil behaviors and replace them with new, holy behaviors.  “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another”(Eph 4:25).  We must stop lying.  But God does not want us to merely sit silently so that we do not lie; we replace our old habit with a new insistence on speaking truth at all times.  Stark honesty will be an adjustment.  We will still grow angry, but we do not let our anger to lead us to sin as we did before (Eph 4:26-27).  In place of our old habit of thieving and harming others, we “labor, doing honest work with (our) own hands”(Eph 4:28).  Instead of taking from others, we give.  Rather than using our speech to tear down and spread corruption, we speak encouraging words that bless those around us (Eph 4:29).  

    Paul then highlights our reaction when we are wounded by others.  “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”(Eph 4:31-32).  Each word here (bitterness, wrath, slander, malice) represents a response to harm that God has now deemed inappropriate.  It’s who we used to be.  But now that we have been forgiven, we forgive each other.  Allowing anger to reign in our hearts, poisoning our view of others, is destructive and evil.

    With just a few verses, Paul throws down the gauntlet.  Each one of these areas holds a deep challenge.  Many of these practices have been burned into us as deeply ingrained habits.  Some of them are now parts of our personalities:  we are crotchety or loose with the truth or swift to anger.  Paul does not say this change will be easy.  But God has forgiven and changed us by his grace and now renews our minds.  These changes are possible and the higher way of life God calls us to, by his power, we can reach.

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One Thing to Think About: In which of these areas do I need the most work?

One Thing to Pray For:  Courage to confront my bad habits and power to overcome them